I had two awful weeks. During the first week, I’d been so abnormal. I became unaware of the consequences of my actions. I felt very guilty of the cruel and very insensitive things that I did. After some time, I got better(that’s what I thought). The second week started very well and fun. As the days pass, the fun was mixed with tiredness, and then with stress. Last night, I gave in to stress and pressure. I let myself down. I would want to give up. I could no longer hold the tears that I held back the past week. The you-want-to-do-something-but-you-couldn’t feeling has kept me down all night. I fear failure. So, I cried and cried. It was the first time that I cried so much because of stress. (Paggising ko sobrang lalim ng mata ko, napansin pa ng seatmate ko sa school.) I told everything that had happened to my seatmate earlier this morning. I know she doesn’t know exactly how I felt but I know she could imagine it because she’s also exposed to stress. Then, I didn’t know how I became the usual Ilka again. I felt better(for real(hopefully)). But the week is still not over. I’m looking forward to how this week will end, it could end negatively or positively. I prefer the latter than the former.
To Jacqueline Jarafa, the feeling of you’re-doing-your-best-but-still-remain-unappreciated. I understand that feeling, but in a different way.
And this marks the end of August. Oh, September, be good.